“Al Capone” Mafia Report April 2010
Welcome back to the 2nd year of the “Al Capone” Mafia Report.
IT’S OPENING DAY……and the 52nd year of the most prestigious league in the state. That’s pretty impressive, so let’s not mess it up. Here are the main issues to cover:
* WE ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK BEER AT THE FIELDS, DON’T LEAVE THE GARBAGE BEHIND.
* Last teams to play at Masar each night has to shut off the lights and groom the field. They don’t want us using a vehicle on the field to drag it anymore.
* The equipment box outside of the field at Masar has new equipment for us to use like rakes, new bases, etc… Let’s use that to maintain the upkeep of the field.
2010 HTMSBL PRE-SEASON SCOOP
MMMM –Coming off of an impressive championship year, but is still hungover from the champagne and dildo rides. A few of their stars were picked up in free agency (stolen) and now play for the Dirty Diamonds. Still have a solid group, and expect them to compete at a high level.
MOB –Turn around team from a year ago. An impressive 16-4 finish, and one game away from their 1st championship appearance. Sticking with the same squad, with the addition of a stud major leaguer. Should compete at a high level as long as they continue dumping bodies in Lake Hopatcong.
WreckerZZZ –Aging, but like a fine wine. Entered their 5,043 championship last year, but lost. Few of their studs jumped ship, because the team is thinking of joining the 55 and older league. Where do you think the studs went? Yup, the Dirty Diamonds.
Viddiots.com – Led by Wilson (aka – psycho babbler) the only man who plays in jeans and work boots, but still hits the ball 700 ft. Gotta like that kinda sh*t. Mostly the old J-Tav team, but Wilson drafted a few studs from other leagues. Should compete for the top spot.
Del’s – Same team, same guys. Earned their respect and usually finishes above the middle of the pack. Always makes a run in the playoffs, and is good for major upsets. Lost their short-stop to Weichert Realtors. Should compete at a high level.
Local –Haven’t heard much noise in the offseason, so I’m assuming it’s the same squad. Usually a .500 team that can win on any night. Watch out for these guys.
Zagursky’s – Led by Jareem, and is always highly motivated to play. If you don’t hear their bats, you will hear Jareem who always has his team fired up to play. Never underestimate this squad.
Roselle’s –Cut a lot of dead weight in the offseason and picked up a handful of Star-Lo guys. Trying to make a push at this, as they adjusted their roster. Let’s see if they can tame the wildness that Star-Lo brings to the table.
Dirty Diamonds – New team, but old faces. They were able to deal three players from each team to form the best team on paper. Could quite possibly be as good as the “Dream Team” just without Jordan. Can the all-stars manage their egos? I guess who cares when the 10th batter can hit the ball 650 ft. Obvious front runners this year.
Weichert – New team, but played in the fall league. They were compared to Del’s, and heard they were better. Whatever that means I guess. Don’t know much about this team, but if they start winning too much, THE MOB will have to show them the cement boots.
Tiffany’s – New team, new faces. No idea about this club. They were compared to a mix of the old Chiefs, Party Pleasing Rental, and METs…never good to be named in that group.
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VEGAS ODDS: Wednesday, 4/21 @ Malapardis
6:30: MMMM (0-0) vs. Zagursky’s (0-0)—-(MMMM by 5)
VEGAS ODDS: Wednesday, 4/21 @ Masar Park
6:30: Weichert (0-0) vs. Roselle’s (0-0)—-(Roselle’s by 2)
7:30: Viddiots (0-0) vs. Tiffany’s (0-0)—-(Viddiots by 9)
8:30: Del’s (0-0) vs. Local (0-0)—-(Del’s by 4)
9:30: MOB (0-0) vs. Diamonds (0-0)—-(Diamonds by 6)
CAPTAINS REMEMBER TO EMAIL OR TEXT ME THE SCORES OF EACH GAME YOU PLAY. HIGHLIGHTS ARE OPTIONAL, BUT ARE ENCOURAGED. IN ORDER FOR ME TO KEEP THE STANDINGS, YOU MUST UPDATE ME WITH THE SCORES. MY CELL IS 201-317-7677.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL ON OPENING DAY!
“MOB BOSS”
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“Al Capone” Mafia Report #2
What a turnout for last night’s opening day showdown with some of the best teams competing in the state! As I looked around at some familiar faces, I saw several teams beef up to make this league even better than it was last year. 52 years and running, this league is by far one of the most competitive leagues with some of the greatest talent in the state. There were four games played at Masar Park, and one game at Malapardis. Before we get to the highlights, I have one question..Are we really going to hear Spike call himself the defending chump, I mean champ, all year long? I mean really Spike, you’re lucky THE MOB hasn’t been knocking at your door yet, and the only reason we haven’t is because we hear you have your male internet friends over every night for a group gang bang. Not our cup of tea, but you should call Beel, as I hear that men become more limber in their old age!
Alright, enough with that, let’s go to the “Pretzel D*ck” cam for the highlights:
Wednesday, 4/21 @ Malapardis:
#1 MMMM (1-0) vs. #7 Zagursky’s (0-1)
MMMM are coming off from a championship season a year ago, and apparently picked up from where they left off last year in dismantling Zagursky’s. No highlights for this game, but MMMM defeated Zagursky’s 17-1 in a short 5 inning game.
MMMM – 17
Zagursky’s – 1
Wednesday, 4/21 @ Masar Park:
#1 Weichert (1-0) vs. #7 Roselle’s (0-1)
Weichert is a new team to the spring/summer league, but started playing in the fall league where they did some damage. They kicked the season off the right way by defeating Roselle’s last night 17-10. No highlights here either.
Weichert – 17
Roselle’s – 10
#1 Viddiots (1-0) vs. #7 Tiffany’s (0-1)
Wilson (a.k.a. the psycho babbler) has combined guys from J-Tav and other leagues to put together quite a ball club. Last night they gave Tiffany’s their first anal lubing by beating them 19-0. Here are some words from Wilson himself:
Viddiots.com 2009 fall league champs and 2010 Lake Mohawk tourney champs are ready for all challengers.
Viddiots – 19
Tiffany’s – 0
#1 Del’s (1-0) vs. #7 Local (0-1)
Two familiar teams facing off with some added players on both squads. Both teams looked impressive, and are ready to take on any challenge, including you Wilson. A back and forth contest as the game went into extra innings where Del’s was able to seal the deal.
Del’s – 16
Local – 14
#1 Diamonds (1-0) vs. #7 MOB (0-1)
The Game of the Week main event between the Dirty Dildos and THE MOB came down to the wire. With the DD assembling the best team on paper, THE MOB took the challenge, and it became a slugfest. The game remained a defensive battle for the first 4 innings, as the DD had the lead 6-2. It wasn’t until the 5th where THE MOB woke up their bats and plated in 10 runs. The DD came back and both teams chipped away a few runs more. It came down to the top of the 7th where THE MOB needed one run to stay alive, but couldn’t close the door on the Dirty Dildos, I mean Dirty Diamonds. Great game, and the DD can really hit the ball as hard as Beel’s boner while watching Asian pornstars sh*tting in a cup. We will see you in the semi’s DD.
Diamonds – 16
MOB – 15
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VEGAS ODDS: Friday, 4/23 @ Masar Park:
6:30: # 7 Roselle’s (0-1) vs. #1 MMMM (1-0)—-(MMMM by 9)
7:30: #1 Weichert (1-0) vs. #6 WreckerZZZ (0-0)—-(WreckerZZZ by 4)
8:30: #6 WreckerZZZ (0-0) vs. #1 Del’s (1-0)—-(Del’s by 2)
9:30: #7 Zagursky’s (0-1) vs. #7 MOB (0-1)—-(MOB by 
Good luck to all teams on Friday, and remember to take ALL garbage with you, especially alcoholic cans/bottles….everyone did a great job of keeping Masar clean last night., let’s keep that up all year long.
“MOB BOSS”
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“Al Capone” Mafia Report #3
“Al Capone” Mafia Report
Friday capped many high scoring games and homeruns as teams were plating in runs as easy as it takes Sexy Sykes to grow a beard. Masar Park might have also been the first field in the state to have one game play for two days! Yep, that’s right. THE MOB and Zagursky’s had the pleasure of playing passed midnight into Saturday morning. Rules will be enforced to speed the games at Masar Park. Once Beel and the Co-commissioners figure out the ins and outs of getting the four games played in a reasonable time, I will inform the rest of the league.
With that all said, let’s go to the “Red Rocket” cam for the highlights:
Friday, 4/23 @ Masar Park:
#11 Roselle’s (0-2) vs. #1 MMMM (2-0)
Looks like MMMM continues to dominate their opponents, which is how they started their championship run a year ago. No highlights from this game, but a little birdie from the Metal Men spoke on behalf of the team stating that their team is better off this year than last, and that teams better watch out for the newly improved MMMM. I think that’s full of sh*t, but call me crazy.
MMMM – 23
Roselle’s – 9
#5 Weichert (1-1) vs. #1 WreckerZZZ (2-0)
A good old fashion slugfest, as both teams used their skinny rods to whack around balls. The new team in Weichert can put up some runs, but it looks like the senior citizens were able to hold on at the last minute to secure their first win on the year.
WreckerZZZ – 23
Weichert – 21
#1 WreckerZZZ (2-0) vs. #5 Del’s (1-1)
In a double header action, the WreckerZZZ continued their high scoring affair with plating in 31 runs against Del’s. Gotta give credit to Del’s though, as they plated 28 runs themselves. Good game, but no highlights.
WreckerZZZ – 31
Del’s – 28
#11 Zagursky’s (0-2) vs. #5 MOB (1-1)
THE MOB got it going early, and didn’t look back as they were looking for their first win of the 2010 season. Zagursky’s battled back in the 3rd, but THE MOB put up another 10 spot in one inning to blow the lead open. The game ended short in 5 innings due to the 15 run rule.
MOB – 23
Zagursky’s – 8
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VEGAS ODDS WILL COME OUT IN THE NEXT MAFIA REPORT ONCE THE SCHEDULE IS COMPLETE. BE READY TO PLAY NEXT WEEK AT ANY TIME, AS BEEL IS PUTTING TOGETHER THE SCHEDULE. THANKS.
“Al Capone” Mafia Report
It was a Wednesday night thriller as many teams went head to head to earn their stripes in the HTMSBL, but before we get into the action, let’s recap some news from around the league. Thanks to Beel and his boy toys, the league has regained the rights to the Cedar Knolls fields. Because of that, we now have room to fit 11 games in a week without playing four games at Masar Park. Here is what the weekly schedule will look like starting next week:
Monday – Cedar Knolls (2 games/Upper & Lower)
Tuesday – Cedar Knolls (2 games/Upper & Lower)
Wednesday – Malapardis (1 game) Masar Park (3 games)
Friday – Masar Park (3 games)
Masar Park Times: (7:00/8:00/9:15) Rules are the same as old…no speed up rules.
Let’s put that aside, and let’s get to the “Viddiots” cam for the highlights:
Wednesday, 4/28: Malpardis
#11 Roselle ’s (0-3) vs. #1 WreckerZZZ (3-0)
A back and forth contest, as Roselle’s gave the WreckerZZZ everything they had. At a point, the WreckerZZZ were shaking in their wheelchairs, but the Viagra kicked in, and the WreckerZZZ got to whacking away at their balls. Let’s go to Beeeel for the play by play:
It was a see-saw battle. Roselle’s played great and came from behind 15-10 to score 8 in the top of the 6th up 18-15. WreckerZZZ demolition for 13 in bottom of the 6th to lead 28-18 running away with the victory.
WreckerZZZ – 28
Roselle’s – 18
Wednesday, 4/28: Masar Park
#9 Local 102 (0-2) vs. #1 Diamonds (3-0)
Looks like the Dirty Dildos, I mean Diamonds, continue their dominance with a convincing victory over Local. No highlights from the game, except I heard Sykes trimmed his beard.
Diamonds – 22
Local – 8
#1 Diamonds (3-0) vs. #7 Weichert (1-2)
Another game with no highlights, but this game was a lot closer than most anticipated. The word on the street is that Weichert’s lefties can hit, and they have a speedy outfield. Unfortunately for Weichert, it wasn’t enough to clean off the Dirt on the Dildos.
Diamonds – 14
Weichert – 12
#9 Tiffany’s (0-2) vs. #7 Zagursky’s (1-2)
Two winless teams face off knowing that one team will pop the champagne for the first time this year, as the other will go home to watch scrambled porn on their mother’s TV. Zagursky’s was able to use their experience to get their first win on the year, and put Tiffany’s in the backend of the standings.
Zagursky’s – 14
Tiffany’s – 1
#3 Viddiots (2-0) vs. #4 MMMM (2-1) Game of the Week
Most of us young guys don’t know the history that dates back to 1986 when Wilson just started playing in this league. His reputation speaks for itself, as he has put together many championship teams, but in other leagues, leaving this league the only league Wilson is yet to conquer. Most of us know him as the “Psycho Babbler” as others may know him as the guy next to Brett Favre in his Wrangler Jeans commercials. After a few years away from the clipboard, Wilson has come back to put together a tough squad. Here are some words from the man himself:
GAME OF THE WEEK WAS A DEFENSIVE GEM THAT ENDED WITH EVERYONE’S FAVORITE UNDERDOGS GETTING THE VICTORY. YET AGAIN!
It irked me early in the day yesterday that Viddiots.com was the underdog in this tight match up. Seem the godfather has not been around long enough to know that Old Newark Fire owned MMMM in the past. Than we closed shop and I had to put away my clip board in Montville due to unforeseen circumstances and landed on Johnnie’s Roster while I licked my wounds. Now in my second Year back Managing in Montville, I have fine tuned a team that IS a force to be reckoned with.
Viddiots.com scored in every inning but the second of last nights duel and Sal shut down the middle and Freddy picking balls out of the dirt much the same way they did when we won the Montville Fall league last year against this same team minus everyone’s league favorites.
So the godfather shows us disrespect by making us the underdogs even with our impressive track record. The Mob too will be sleeping with the fishes very soon.
MMMM bats woke up too late and Viddiots.com held on 13-10 as the score does not reflect the dominance that showed as it has in years past.
Be Afraid! Be VERRRY Afraid!!!
Viddiots – 13
MMMM – 10
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